i haven't been going to church lately. there's no sob story or epic reason why, just something blocking me from going. i know i should just get over it and go, but i haven't been able to, and i guess im trusting there's a reason. but what i have found is that God is ministering to me whether or not i go to church. (but thats a whole other blog.)
today through unexpected means i came across a verse that as resonated with me throughout the day.
"in his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps."
proverbs 16:9
i can have my life all planned out in my heart. i can know what i want, where i want to go, and when i want to fall in love. but that doesn't mean that's the plan God has for me. i believe God knows the desires of my heart, i've made them quite clear over the past few months, but i believe that God has his own timeline. i can sit here and pray every night and know in my heart certain ways i would like my heart to go, but it is God that will provide the steps to make that happen. and as much as i would like to wake up tomorrow morning and take off sprinting towards my heart, God knows that there are about 700 hurdles that not only i cannot see but that i am also not prepared to jump. and so everyday, i feel the Lord preparing me. getting me ready for the desires of my heart, the adventures i wish to take with my life. but if you've met me for longer than 30 seconds you know my patience level is about a zero! im restless. chomping at the bit, ready to take off after all the things i long for and yet, i'm nowhere near the race yet. and so find myself every day running in circles, striving for all the things i'm missing and want to complete me and make me ready for this new journey but i'm still not ready, i'm still not on God's timeline. and it is so FRUSTRATING.
so i find ways to take refuge:
"for i know the plans I have for you, says the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for evil
to give you a future and a hope."
jeremiah 29:11
"be strong and let your heart take courage,
all you who wait for the Lord."
psalms 31:24
"be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act."
psalms 37: 7
but honestly, waiting is hard. but i know, i just KNOW, it's worth it. it has to be. matters of the Lord always are.
"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the pece of God, which transcends all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in christ jesus."
philippians 4:6-7
